Insomnia
by HeavenlyTook
Summary: 'The thoughts weren't normal. They weren't right or acceptable in the slightest, yet Merry couldn't stop them from flooding his mind.' - Merry and Pippin spend nights alone, sleepless and unable to get rid of the thoughts of each other. Set during ROTK after Merry and Pippin are separated.
1. Merry

Merry couldn't sleep.

He missed his friends. He missed Pippin. There was nothing worse than the dreadful, depressing feeling that he would never see his precious little cousin again. The quest had hurt everyone in some way, either physically or mentally, and even though Merry had gained several painful injuries the worse hurt of all was the torture of not knowing whether he would ever lay eyes on Pippin again.

The past few days had been a nightmare. He had no idea where Pippin was in the world, what he was doing or who he was with. For all Merry knew he could be in grave danger. Something terrible could have happened to him. He could be in excruciating pain right now, or worse.

Merry closed his eyes tightly and shook his head, trying to get rid of the terrifying thoughts that entered his mind. The images of Pippin suffering were replaced with visions of the young hobbit smiling and laughing. Thinking about Pippin's cheerful, innocent smile made Merry's heart melt and he couldn't help letting out a quiet whimper.

He sighed as he remembered Pippin's earthy, green eyes, his little pointed nose and those perfect, pink lips. Oh, how he longed to press his lips against Pippin's, run his hand through his cousin's golden-brown curls, wrap his arms around his slight frame and whisper softly into his ear…

The thoughts weren't normal. They weren't right or acceptable in the slightest, yet Merry couldn't stop them from flooding his mind. He couldn't remember exactly when he started thinking about Pippin in this way, though it had got worse since they were parted. The agony of worrying about his poor little cousin's welfare mixed with the torment of Merry's forbidden thoughts was almost unbearable for the hobbit.

Almost.

The thoughts were endurable as long as Merry focused on keeping the positive images vividly in his mind. More pictures of a jolly young hobbit entered his head – Pippin dancing and giggling, his cheeks turning scarlet as he grinned mischievously, the young hobbit biting his lip and sheepishly looking down at the floor…

Merry stifled a groan.

He imagined Pippin standing so close to him that he could feel his hot breath on his neck. He imagined leaning in and kissing Pippin senseless. He heard Pippin's soft moans in his head as he fantasized about his young cousin, knowing that it was so, so wrong even though it felt so good.

He tried to stop the thoughts but he couldn't help but wonder what Pippin would look like in a number of obscene situations. He clenched his fists and swallowed, beads of hot sweat forming on his forehead.

_Damn the curiosity of Brandybucks, _he thought to himself as more images invaded his mind, cursing aloud when he realised just how much he wanted Pippin – how much he _needed_ Pippin here with him now.

It wasn't fair and it wasn't right, and Merry didn't know what to do. Giving into temptation felt like betrayal to Pippin. His cousin was still technically a _child_, for goodness sake! But the need inside him was so great that he found himself in tears, trying to hold on for as long as he could but eventually it got too much for him.

He had to give in.

_Oh, Meriadoc, you are a bad, bad hobbit._


	2. Pippin

Pippin couldn't sleep.

He felt miserable, alone and terrified. Being without Merry was incredibly hard for him. His older cousin had always been there to protect him, to whisper words of comfort and hold him tightly in difficult times, but now Pippin was on his own. He only realised now just how much he needed Merry.

They had always been the closest of friends. Their bond was unusually strong, many people had noted, and Merry was the one person Pippin loved most. Now he would probably never see him again.

Pippin found himself weeping into the pillow, wishing desperately that they would be reunited, even if it was only for a brief time. He needed to see Merry more than anything. He didn't care what happened to him as long as he could see his cousin one last time.

He hadn't been able to stop thinking about Merry since he left Edoras with Gandalf, but now that he was alone in bed, the darkness engulfing him, he felt more hopeless and depressed than ever.

"I w-wish you were here, Merry," he sobbed, his hands trembling as he tightly clutched the bed sheets.

_I'm here, Pip, it's okay._

The soft voice inside his head made him cry even harder. He imagined Merry gently stroking his back and kissing his forehead, making all the hurt and fear go away. He calmed a little, his breathing returning to normal as he sat up and wiped his eyes, which were sore and red from crying.

He thought about Merry's reassuring smile and felt a weight lift from his chest. He pictured Merry looking at him with those amazing sapphire blue eyes of his that Pippin had often found himself gazing into and getting lost in his thoughts.

He didn't understand why such a small detail made him feel so much better.

Pippin was still shaking a little as he thought about Merry holding him close and stroking his hair, thoughts which made him sigh and fall back onto the mattress beneath him. He continued to think about Merry, and gulped when he noticed that he had spent a considerable amount of time daydreaming about his cousin.

_What's wrong with you, Peregrin Took? _he thought to himself, genuinely wondering why the thoughts of Merry wouldn't go away. He didn't understand why thinking about his dear cousin made him so happy. But he wasn't going to complain. The images in his mind were comforting, much better than the terrifying nightmares he would surely have if he drifted off to sleep.


End file.
